Why do children lie?

6 min readJan 29, 2022

Children lie all the time for various reasons. Kids want what they want and are developing at their own rate. They see other people doing certain things to achieve their goals, and they just want to get in on that action. Don’t worry a bit.

Kids lie due to developing cognition, body autonomy, and anxiety. Younger children are creating memories, making mistakes, and telling stories. Older kids want to be in control and maintain privacy.

It is pretty normal for kids to lie because they mimic others and practice achieving a goal.

Let’s talk about some different reasons children lie, why it is considered normal, and some tell-tale signs your kid is less than honest. I’ll discuss some of the typical ages kids lie and methods for getting children to be more truthful, so they stop fibbing so much. Let’s do this thang!

What causes children to lie?

Children lie for many reasons. I found out after some brainstorming that I kept seeing these three words pop up: stress, cognition, and identity-seeking.

There are many reasons that children lie due to the development of stress, cognition, and identity. I will explain them briefly in this article for you to read.

Stress

Children experience different types of stress –personal, family, and peer– and are learning to work through it. Kids lie when stressed for various reasons and sometimes experience different emotions during miscommunication.

Children are likely to become emotional, which increases the chance of lying as they work through emotions and problematic situations. They may be angry, frustrated, or pressured by peers or family members to do something and lie as a result.

Developing cognition

Immature brains are growing, and they are constantly working to achieve by identifying patterns that lead to success. As they recognize patterns, young brains try different things to assess the success of that pathway.

Sometimes, lying happens when they simply try new things because they want to get what they want. The young brain is impulsive and quick to make decisions that may or may not help them succeed.

Growing an identity

As kids develop, they learn that they are unique and different. Because they want to feel separate from other people, they try new things to gain an identity and seek attention for their actions.

Children want to have fun and impress other kids as they learn and grow alongside them. They know to get attention from people in various ways, and they are developing a personal threshold for how they gain attention.

Is it normal for a child to lie?

It is pretty normal for kids to lie. There are many reasons that it is considered okay for kids to lie. According to PBS for parents, lying is typical for kids because they are learning and developing.

Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., says even a study from the University of Waterloo found that “96% of children lie at some point. Four-year-olds lie, on average, every two hours, and six-year-olds lie, on average, every hour.”

“… Lying requires sophisticated thinking.”

Lying is a good sign that they are developing cognition and establishing an identity. Lying is a typical part of human growth.

Children are experimenting with other people’s boundaries to test limits and experience a level of authority over others –which is normal. They have a goal and are practicing getting what they want.

As they encounter other people’s behavioral patterns, they learn to practice their own by mimicking developmentally appropriate ones.

What are some signs your child is lying?

Signs that your child is lying probably make your child look strange. They might be withdrawn and avoid contact with you. Young children will likely stumble over words and sound weird, but older children will want to avoid you altogether.

Most children will appear uncomfortable, respond strangely to questions, and make odd language transitions –clearing their throat, changing the topic, overfocusing on details. They may have noticeable body movements like leg tapping or facial expressions like quick blinking and head tilting.

At what age do kids start lying?

Children around ages 2 to 3 begin lying. Children lie because they refuse to admit to a particular behavior and don’t want to cause conflict. They understand around 2 or 3 that parents may or may not be deceived, and they aim to avoid further problems.

What age group lies the most?

Teenagers are most likely to lie compared to different age groups. This article states researchers at the University of Amsterdam determined that teenagers were more likely to lie than any other age.

Teens feel misunderstood and judged for their actions. They likely want to control the amount of information people know about them and, as a result, lie to keep information private.

Adolescent behaviors are more dangerous because their brain is developing the pre-frontal cortex. They likely want to keep their behaviors hidden as they learn about their safety thresholds.

What should I do when I catch my child lying?

If you are worried that your child is lying to you, don’t freak out too much over it. It is pretty normal for kids to lie, and there are four things you can do about it.

First, decide the severity of the lie.

Assess the level of lying to determine your behavior.

The Child Mind Institute recommends understanding first which stage of lying your child is in to figure out how you can help or possibly punish your child for lying.

There are different kinds of lies according to The Child Mind Institute.

The three kinds of lying stated in the Child Mind Institute are

Attention-seeking
Storytelling
Serious misbehaviors

Second, think about how you can help support their goals or interests.

Once you have identified the severity of the lie, try to help them. Children usually want attention, support with an idea, or serious guidance.

They might want to lie because they don’t think you understand their idea or want to tell a story to you to get attention.

It might be easier for them to lie about it than try to explain it to you. Take the time to understand what they are doing –activity, project, compiling materials, communicating with a sibling– and ask them to elaborate on their goal.

An example of support

If a 5-year-old lies about hitting a younger sibling, try to help them rebuild the block project that the younger sibling destroyed.

Third, practice actively listening to them, so they learn to take the time to explain themselves.

Listen to them and don’t respond with judgment or say no to a task yet. Stay kind and compassionate as they try to explain their situation to you, especially if they are struggling.

If they have trouble, reassure them by saying that you are listening, and your goal is to understand them better to help them.

Lastly, decide whether it is harmless or worth more intense guidance or “consequence.”

If they are telling a story or showing off to friends, it is probably fine they are fibbing. If it is more serious, consider whether they are in danger to determine whether the misbehavior is worth a more severe outcome.

I like to think of more gentle approaches to punishments, so children don’t feel attacked.

So instead of wording it as a punishment, try to explain that it is guidance or coaching because you want them to be safe.

An example of guidance

If they are driving unsafely and accidentally run into a stop sign and lie about it, they may still need an adult in the car the next time they go to a friend’s house, so they don’t run into another stop sign.

Conclusion

Now, you should understand a bit more about why kids lie. We discussed some different reasons children lie and why it relates to cognitive development.

There are some signs that kids are lying, and it is okay to investigate. Remember, it is normal and natural for children to be less than honest.

Try to be strong for them while developing and give them different options, so they learn to trust the process and personal development as they search for unique goals.